Insecure Jackie goes from Strength to Strength

I can remember going to Sunday School from about 3 years of age until I was about 15 when I left school to go to college, then I can honestly say I only went on very special occasions; weddings, christenings, maybe the odd Christmas service. Although I never went to church, I still believed in Jesus. He was someone I was brought up with and I considered myself a Christian - little did I know! Well I've always been a very insecure person, always doubted my abilities, always got picked on and called names at school, often told I was stupid and thick, and these things tend to stay with you through life, they did with me and I grew up with an inferiority complex, thinking everyone was better than me, and anything I had to say was irrelevant most of the time so I said nothing and became a very withdrawn person. I always seemed to have the worries of the world on my shoulders and worried if I wasn't worried!

As time went on I married and had two lovely children, and as we lived quite close to the Vineyard Fellowship, I sent the children there for Sunday School. My daughter enjoyed it, but my son didn't, so I didn't force him to go. I used to go to the odd guest service, including Christmas and Easter, and although I enjoyed them, nothing stirred within me, even though several people lent me books and gave me tracts, etc. We moved to Dunston in 1985 so I took Karen to St. Nicholas's church for Brownies/Guides, etc., and she was also confirmed there by the Bishop of Jarrow. I attended church a few times, with my daughter, but those times were few and far between.

About a year later, we got new neighbours. They were different from the word go, for a start they came to our home and introduced themselves to us. They told us they belonged to Dunston Family Church, which at the time I'd never heard of. As time went on, people used to come and go next door, and we could hear music and singing, and people enjoying themselves. They used to pile into cars and go out and about singing on the streets, or going away for the day to enjoy fellowship together. I envied them in a way as they had so many friends, and I had no-one whom I could call a friend in this area. After a while they took Karen to their church and she enjoyed it. I went to the guest services as usual, and this time there was something different. The people were very friendly, which I found difficult to accept at first; I wasn't used to hugging! I still didn't have the need to go every Sunday, I used to say 'I haven't got time I've got the lunch to make!'

However, 4 years later, around Christmas 1990, the church were out singing on Dunston's front street. I stopped to talk to one of the singers, and as I was leaving, I said, 'See you at the Guest Service'. His reply was, 'You don't have to wait until you're invited!' Well, as the next day was Sunday, I prepared the lunch the night before and I went to church. That was the beginning - it took another few weeks before I gave my heart to the Lord; it was January 27th 1991. The Pastor had been preaching and said a prayer for us to say if we would like to accept Jesus into our lives. I didn't realise it but I was crying and my hand was in the air. Jesus had won.
Hallelujah, no flashing lights, no fireworks, just a realisation that I was loved so very much.

It didn't matter who I was or what I'd done, Jesus loved me for myself, including all my doubts and misgivings.

I was baptised on May 12th 1991, I died to my sins and became a new creation on that day. Since then I've gone from strength to strength. I've got much more confidence, I even took driving lessons and passed my test. I could never have done that before. I still get things wrong many times, but with God's love and guidance I can do all things if I trust in Him. I now don't worry if things are not the way I would like them to be. I pray and read the Word and know God works everything out for our own good. I now have lots of friends whom I can call on at anytime if I need to talk. There's always someone ready to listen and help, especially Jesus.

My life hasn't been transformed dramatically like some, but I now know an inner peace and joy like never before, and the love of Jesus goes beyond all understanding.

I may not be very good at expressing myself, but I hope after reading this you will just let go and let God do His work within you as is His desire. God Bless,

Jackie

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